It's 4 am. I rarely see this time of day!
I am "writing" a journal. I don't do this either. Mainly because I don't feel I have the time, the spelling skills and writing skills, and because I think I will remember everything later (I don't remember things at all).
Do I wait well? NOPE!! Sunday, this would be my last Sunday in church for quite a while, (will go into detail about that later) the sermon was titled "Waiting well". I know that I was the only one that this sermon was meant for. I mean, I am sure I was the only person in the church that needed to hear it right?
In a nutshell Joseph waited on God for something like 24 years (see I need to right things down because I don't remember details) for God to make him powerful even after his brothers sold him into slavery. He was patient. I am not. He used his circumstances to glorify God.
It all started in October of 2010. Actually the "should we? Shouldn't we" started long before that. Then we had an idea, we can't decided if we should have a third child so let's just try one month then go from there. We are now going from there. 26 weeks later and I am in the hospital trying to get this baby to 32weeks. That's right, 6 weeks in the hospital!
Both of our other kids' pregnancies were rather routine. Did I mention that I DO Not enjoy being pregnant? Anyway...January 2011 I have a tear in my placenta. Multiple Dr visits later, I am sort of on the mend. February Bruce and I go to Vegas for a conference that he has. Land in Vegas and I thought I wet my pants but know it wasn't urine. Great. Call the Dr. Office some 1000 miles away and they say to take it easy and get in right when I get back on Mon. Ok fine, Bruce is in meetings all day so I just hang out. Monday comes and we can't get out of Vegas due to flat tires on the plane. Awesome. Bruce kept calm, I did not. I wanted, needed to get in to the Dr. Finally get home Tues and head to the Dr. They do some testing, ultrasounds etc..."everything looks ok. Don't know what happened in Vegas. Go about your life". That's probably not exactly what was said, but close.
So I go about my business. All the time thinking that something just isn't right. March comes along and time for the 20 week ultrasound. Mia was sick so Bruce stayed home with her even though we both had a feeling he needed to go. The ultrasound tech is great but doesn't have poker face. I could tell right away something was wrong. I had even told her I was nervous for this because of all of the other issues earlier. They rush me to see the Dr. Because I ther is very little fluid around the baby. My water had broke at some point Vegas perhaps? Then I am told I will be sent to specialist right away. Thank God for great family and friends that dropped everything to help us out! Remember Bruce wasn't with me, he is home with sick Mia.
Bruce has probably never made it to town so fast in his life! We get in to the appointment and then starts the rush of info. I mean info overload. After another ultrasound the Dr. evaluates it and starts in. We were glad he was straight forward. He gave us the facts. Wow! At this point the baby had a 20% chance of survival. I would now have to be on bed rest which I was not good at, and would be put in the hospital at26 weeks until the baby came or I made it to 32 weeks which ever came first. Thus starts the waiting....I am not good at waiting....God is teaching me how to be fully reliant on him.
Maybe I am here like Joseph was sold to Egypt to do Gods will. Maybe there is some other mom here that is also "waiting" and she needs to feel God's love? Maybe this is just a lesson for me? Waiting....
Tonight I take the sleeping pills that they offered last night....waiting 6 weeks without sleep won't be good.
